Hosts and guests.

The Function of Being Host and Guest

Even in such mundane situations, such as having someone over for coffee, we naturally fall into host and guest mode, each with a set of assumptions. These assumptions are based on our early socialization for manners—how to greet others and how to behave properly in the home of another.

How to Be a Good Host

Hosting is an art and a gift—it takes warmth, hospitality, and preparation. You don't need to be flawless, but anticipation and some basic hosting skills can take you a long way. Above all, your role is to ensure guests feel comfortable and taken care of.

Here's how:

Invite wisely: Choose guests who will be compatible with each other. The right guest list is an event, even if everything that can go wrong does.

Send a clear invite: By text, phone, email, or formal invitation, state the date, time, where, and dress code or what to bring.

Plan ahead: Be dressed and ready before guests begin to arrive. Food, drink, and atmosphere should already be established.

Match the mood: Tell them it's casual and dress casually—don't show up expecting a gala.

Check your space: Especially spaces guests will use like bathrooms—clean them and replenish them.

Stay chill: Don't let the small stuff (like spilled drinks) ruin your day—it sets the stage for your guests' comfort.

Welcome them: Welcome all your guests with enthusiasm and help new arrivals get started.

Be a host: Stand up and mingle with your guests. Introduce people to one another, and create conversation.

Fill 'em up: Watch for when drinks or snacks run low and fill them without being asked.

Seal the deal: Signal that dinner is beginning and ending. When you're feeding yourself last, ask others to dine first.

Make a toast: A simple, thankful word of welcome can add warmth to any gathering.

Show appreciation: Have your guests realize that you appreciated their presence, and express gratitude for whatever donation or gift they gave.

Greeting & Conversation Tips

Before the event, think about who knows whom. Introduce people at the event from common ground to get conversations started. Listen in—nudge the conversation if required. For big events, keep the small talk going. For sit-down dinners, deeper conversations can be used—if they stay light. If too heavy, use a joke or a benign statement to steer the conversation elsewhere.

Handling the Unexpected

Things will (and can) go awry—a glass will be broken, an uninvited guest will be brought by a guest, or someone will drink too much. Here's the solution:

Don't worry about things: Use glasses and dishes that won't break your heart if they are broken.

Be calm: Your calmness will make others relax.

Be flexible: When an uninvited guest arrives, smile, be gracious, and roll with it. You can handle it later, in private.

If a guest is drunk: Cut off the liquor and don't let them drive. Give them a place to sleep or help get them a safe ride.

Winding Things Down

When you need the party to wind down:

Close the bar and turn off the music.

Start cleaning up or give overt signals like yawning.

Be honest: say something like, "It's been a great evening, but I have an early morning."

Begin extinguishing lights or even retiring to bed!

Hosting Events with a Co-host

If it's too much for you to host alone, bring a partner or buddy in. Share the planning and workload, and get on the same page with the guest list, budget, and what each of you will be doing. Share the accolades and bask in the glory together.

How to Be a Good Guest

Being a great guest is just as important. Good manners start the instant you're invited.

RSVP promptly: Respond within a day or two. It's rude to be slow to respond.

Be reliable in your response: Only change plans for important reasons. Don't cancel because something else came along.

Don't assume you can bring a friend: Bring someone else only if the invitation says "and guest." Children and house guests aren't invited unless specifically invited.

Basic Guest Etiquette

Be on time: Arrive 5–15 minutes after the hour. Call the host if you arrive late.

Turn off your phone: Or put it on silent mode and go outside if you must take the call.

Respect the home: Use coasters, don't leave bathrooms messy, and treat belongings gently.

Be polite: Compliment your hosts, the food, and the furnishings.

Participate: Join in games or conversation. Be friendly and sociable.

Practice moderation: Don't overindulge in eating or drinking.

Help out: Offer to help willingly but don't force it if the host says no.

Respect space: Don't enter off-limits areas like bedrooms or kitchens unless invited.

Respect seating plans: Don't jump position cards.

Leave on time: Don't stay late after other people have departed unless specifically invited to remain.

Thank the host: Always thank the host when leaving.

Food Allergies or Dietary Restrictions

For larger or informal gatherings, you will usually be able to find something safe to eat. For smaller parties, mention severe allergies or restrictions ahead of time, and volunteer to bring something if it's alright with them. Be honest and polite, and let them decide whether or not to accommodate.

Do You Have to Bring a Gift?

It's a nice touch to bring a small gift for the host—particularly if this is your first visit. Wine, a vase of flowers, gourmet snacks, or a small household item are good ideas. Don't anticipate that the host will use it that evening. Gifts are not required in formal occasions or large gatherings unless there is a guest of honor.

Follow-Up Courtesy

Thank your host again the next day—by a hasty note or written message, especially after formal events or overnight stays. If you were the guest of honor, or you were an overnight house guest, you might also like to send flowers or a token of appreciation.

Toasting Manners

Toasts can be simple or genuine. Here are the basics:

The host leads off with the first toast. If not, a guest can express gratitude to the host with a toast.

Take a glass in hand and speak loudly. Don't tap your glass to get people's attention.

Others have the courtesy of raising their glasses at the end—but the person being toasted doesn't.

The honoree might reply with a brief thank-you or toast.

You don't have to drink alcohol for a toast—a sip of anything will suffice.

Returning the Favor

If you've been invited to a personal event at someone's house, it's polite to return the hospitality. You don't have to replicate the event exactly—you can invite them to something else, like lunch or a coffee outing, some time in the next few months.

Even if you declined an invitation, it's considerate to make a gesture of your own at some point.

Planned Toasts

If you're going to say more than a quick "cheers," it helps to plan ahead and practice your toast a few times so you don't get tongue-tied. Keep it short, upbeat, and focused on the honoree—not you. A little humor is okay, but stick with something that isn't embarrassing or in poor taste.

If you're being requested to give the evening's main toast, treat it a little like a brief speech. Write it out, practice it, and attempt to sound yourself—no matter if you do glance at your notes during the toast, you should remain unstrained and genuine.

Impromptu Toasts

You don't always need an organized event to pop a cork. Sometimes the timing is just right—maybe at dinner with some close friends. The best spontaneous toasts are heartfelt and brief.

If you're caught off guard and asked to say something, don't panic. A few genuine words are all that's needed. For example:

"To Gloria and Jimmy—there's no place I'd rather be than here with you."

You may also make your toast more personal to the occasion of the get-together. Some quick, simple ideas are below:

"To Suzanne—a great hostess and a fantastic cook."

"To Anya—may each birthday catch you smiling and surrounded by great people."

"To Phil—a fine leader and soon to be an even finer VP. Congratulations!"

"To the class of 2012—the best and brightest in the room!"