Table manners.

Eating is, well, a messy process—we eat up and swallow. That's okay when one is by oneself, but since eating is also a social activity, etiquette serves to make the experience nice for all. While the particular rules differ from culture to culture, table manners serve the purpose of making meals comfortable and enjoyable.

Manners have come a long way since then—we don't recline at the dinner table to dine like ancient Romans or eat off our knives like early Americans. Modern etiquette weighs practicality against polite behavior.

You will not get into trouble if you do not know which fork to use. The more comfortable you are with a table setting, the happier you will be. Mastering the right utensils will become second nature and your common sense will kick in—i.e., not serving soup in a dessert spoon. If in doubt, imitate the host.

Good manners are unobtrusive and instinctive. If you do something awkward—like reaching over the table, slurping, or starting to eat ahead of others—it causes everyone to notice and disrupts the rhythm of the meal. While table manners are always required, they're especially important in business. A job candidate who chews with an open mouth or who holds a fork like a shovel may not be offered the position.

Learning good behavior at home saves you from making errors. If you don't know how you look while eating, observe yourself in front of the mirror. Making manners a part of your daily life makes it natural in any situation.

Learning the Table Setting

Start at the start. Each place at the table should have a napkin, plate, utensils, and glasses. Where the utensils are placed determines course sequence. For a simple meal with only a main and a dessert, a basic knife, fork, and spoon are needed. More courses mean more utensils.

A basic five-piece place setting is:

A large fork and knife for the main course

Large spoon for soup or dessert

Smaller fork for salad, starters, or dessert

Smaller spoon for tea, coffee, or dessert

You can include specialty pieces such as butter or oyster knives if necessary.

Fundamental table setting etiquette:

Put only the utensils that will be used on the table.

Arrange utensils in order of use, from outermost to innermost.

Use "FORKS" to help remember: Fork, O (plate), Knife, Spoon.

The blade of the knife is toward the plate.

Casual Table Setting (3-course meal)

Average pieces:

Dinner plate: Center or brought in with main course.

Forks: On the left. Little fork (appetizer/salad) sits outside; big fork (main course) sits inside.

Napkin: Folded and placed to the left of the forks, underneath them, or in center of plate.

Knife: Right of plate, blade in.

Spoons: Right of knife. Soup spoon sits farthest out, then dessert spoon, then teaspoon.

Glasses: Placed above the knife and a little to the right. One for water, and the rest for wine or other drinks.

Optional items:

Salad plate: To the left of the forks if served separately.

Bread plate and butter knife: Above the forks.

Dessert fork and spoon: Either above the plate or to the side of the others (fork on the left, spoon on the right).

Coffee/tea cup and saucer: To the right below the glasses if served with the meal, or after dessert.

Salt and pepper: Best to have one set per four diners; take away before dessert.

Condiments: Transfer from bottles into small serving bowls.

Butter or olive oil: Serve in bowls with small spoons or knives, as applicable.

Formal Table Setting (5-course meal or more)

This contributes to the relaxed atmosphere with extra utensils and glasses for each course. 

Use the "no more than three of any fork or spoon" guideline. More than that will be confusing and cluttered.

Items on the table are:

Charger (service plate): Underneath the first course plate; removed prior to the main course.

Supplementary plates and utensils: For soups, shrimp cocktail, finger bowls, etc.

Forks (left side): From outermost inwards—e.g., fish fork, dinner fork, salad fork.

Oyster fork: Alone on the right (for shellfish).

Knives (right): Dropped from outer to inner—e.g., fish knife, meat knife, salad knife. Blades inward toward the plate.

Spoons: Knives behind them—soupspoon, dessert spoon, and teaspoon, left to right, in order of use.

Glassware: Only up to four glasses max to avoid clutter. Water goblet above the knives; wine and Champagne glasses to the right of that, in order of use.

Other pieces: Tablecloths or place mats, which make room and top the table. Employ white candles and centerpieces, but don't clutter up the table. Leave open space for guests to view across it.

Final Tips

The most formal are white linens, but tasteful pattern and color are fine.

Keep neatness and even spacing.

Don't overlook little things such as symmetry, place cards, and lighting for atmosphere.

Use underplates for dirty plates, and offer coffee or tea only after dessert unless your meal plan requires it somewhere in the course of the meal.

Right! Here is the same exact etiquette guide completely rephrased and simplified with the same structure and meaning but briefer and in plain language:

Before Coming to the Table

Meal time is a social occasion, not merely about being fed. All of us must contribute to the pleasant ambiance, not only the cook or the one who put the table together.

Before sitting down:

Wash your hands and face, brush your hair.

Put on a shirt and shoes.

Change into clean clothes if necessary.

Remove your hat (women can wear a hat if it is part of the attire, such as at a wedding).

Seating

Wait to be seated until everyone is seated at the table or until you are invited to sit down. When dining formally, a man can serve the woman next to him by pulling out her chair. In your home, have your mother, guest of honor, or hostess sit first.

Saying Grace

Certain families recite a prayer prior to eating. If you are a visitor and it's not your tradition, simply remain quiet and respectful. If invited, join hands to make the circle whole.

Napkin Etiquette

Place your napkin in your lap when you sit down or after the blessing. Open it delicately—do not snap it open. Never insert it into your collar or waistband unless you're older or require added protection.

Use your napkin to dab your mouth, especially before you drink. Don't use it like a washcloth—try to eat neatly.

If you need to leave the table during the meal, place your napkin on the left side of your plate loosely folded. At the end of the meal, place it in the middle of your setting or leave it on the left.

Serving Styles

Meals can be served in a number of ways:

Formal dinners: Servers bring each course to each guest individually, most often starting with the guest to the host's right.

Buffet: Guests serve themselves then take seats.

Family-style: Food is brought to the table or by the host.

Rules of Passing:

Pass food to the right (or only one way to avoid confusion).

If you start with a dish, keep it for the person sitting beside you to help himself before you pass it on.

Set utensils to be served by others with ease.

Pass dishes with handles toward the next person.

Place heavy dishes between passes.

Pass salt and pepper together always.

Take butter, place it on your plate, then pass dish on.

Serving Yourself

Take care not to spill. When holding both a spoon and a fork:

Use the fork beneath foods such as meat or asparagus, and place the spoon on top to hold it in place.

Use the spoon under soft items like peas or potatoes, with the fork on top.

Pour gravy directly onto your food, not elsewhere. Put small sides like olives or nuts on your bread plate—or on the edge of your dinner plate if there isn’t one. Don’t reach—ask someone to pass things.

Don't ask for extra condiments unless it's something obvious like "salt." It may appear as if you think the food is not nice.

Declining Food Courteously

With friends, simply say "No, thank you." When at a formal dinner, take a bit of everything out of politeness. Teach children to do so too. If you have a dietary restriction, politely explain: "I'm not permitted to eat shellfish, but I'm loving the rest."

When to Eat

Wait until all are served and the host takes a bite, or signals to do so. For large groups, the host might encourage people to eat beforehand so food doesn't grow cold.

At:

Buffets: Eat as soon as seated.

Large tables (8+ guests): Eat when at least three have been served.

Small tables (2–4 guests): Wait for all to be served.

Formal/business meals: Wait until all are served or your host indicates to start.

Using the Right Utensils

Start from the outside and work inwards. Small forks/knives for salad or for appetizers; large for the main course. If unsure, then do as other individuals do.

Holding Your Utensils

Hold your fork/spoon like a pencil—never like a shovel. Eat small, neat bites.

Cutting Technique:

Hold your knife in your dominant hand, finger atop the blade.

Hold your fork in your other hand, tines down, with your finger on top.

Styles of Eating

American (Zigzag): Cut food, rest knife, move fork to dominant hand, and eat tines-up.

Continental (European): Do not change hands. Cut and eat with the fork tines-down.

No matter what you use, cut one bite at a time. You may use your knife to help guide food onto your fork.

Resting Utensils

Never place used utensils on the table.

American Style: Rest knife at top of plate, fork at 3 o'clock.

Continental Style: Fork and knife make a V close to center, tips facing one another.

When through: Put fork and knife side by side, at 4:20, knife blade inward.

For dessert or soup:

In deep/stemmed bowl: Spoon is placed on the underplate.

In shallow bowl: Spoon remains in the bowl.

During the Meal

Food isn't the only focus of meals—people are too. Try to be polite and subtle:

Don't make noise, wave utensils, lean over the table, or snap napkins open.

People will not usually notice a minor etiquette error, but loud chewing or belching will be remembered.

Drinks

Dab your lips before drinking.

Never drink with food in your mouth.

Drink quietly—no gulping, slurping, or bubble-blowing with straws.

Finger Foods

Finger foods are fine at casual gatherings like picnics or BBQs. At nicer restaurants, cut your food—particularly if it's messy or has sauce.

Posture & Body Language

Standing up straight shows you're involved and polite. You don't have to be stiff, just sit up straight. Elbows off the table during eating is still a good rule. Resting your elbows lightly between courses or when socializing is okay.

Don't fiddle with your hair or face, or lean over others. If you need something, politely ask.

Seasoning & Chewing

Taste the food before putting anything on it. Putting salt or ketchup on it routinely is insulting to the preparer.

Cut small amounts at a time so that the food will not become cold. When cutting for a child or person who has difficulty eating, it's okay to cut more.

Chew with your mouth closed, and don't talk with food in your mouth. If you must talk, place your fork down and enunciate.

More Table Manners

Don't mark embroidered napkins with lipstick.

Bread or knife—not fingers—is the method for pushing food onto your fork.

It's all right to sop sauce on bread, but do so in neatness.

Fingers are okay at home.

In restaurants, use a fork.

Take bones only if the host does or says it's alright.

If you must get up from the table, say: "Excuse me," or for children: "May I be excused?"

When you are done, put utensils in the 4:20 position and thank the host.

Conversation –  an important aspect of the meal

Talking to other individuals is as important as the food itself when you are having a meal. Eating silently—although with delicious food—can look ridiculous or dull. Some overall rules for table conversation are listed below:

Don't speak with food in your mouth.

Gaze at the individual you are addressing.

Talk to individuals beside you or directly across from you.

Try not to try to shout down the table.

Be interested in what others are saying—reply graciously and question.

Listen carefully and don't interrupt.

Avoid using harsh words or unpleasant topics.

Always praise the meal and thank the person who prepared or hosted.

It is best to steer clear of sensitive subjects like money, politics, or religion if you are unsure where others stand. You can talk about what is going on in the news, but be respectful if someone has different opinions. Do not talk about matters that will ruin someone's appetite—like undergoing surgery or gossip. When dining with family, try to focus on having fun together instead of criticizing or scolding.

Safe Topics

Some easy, neutral conversation openers are:

Sports and athletes

TV shows, music, or movies

Festivals or community events

Travel or vacations

The weather (a tried-and-true default!)

And if the conversation drifts into a disagreement or personal matter, here's how to handle it:

Stick to facts, not opinions.

Keep it impersonal.

If heated, stay calm and don't fight.

If need be, gently get the conversation back on track. For example, "We may never agree on that, but did you watch the Saints game?"

Ending the meal

Just like meals begin with a cue from the host, they also end with one. On a regular night at home, the meal might end once dessert is done. At a more formal gathering, people might relax and chat over coffee. Usually, the host signals the end by standing up or inviting everyone to another room.

When you’re finished eating:

Put your cutlery in the "4:20" alignment on your plate (diagonal, knife and fork side by side).

Wait until the host stands up before you.

Fold your napkin neatly and place it to the left of your plate.

Pull your chair in.

In formal dining, a gentleman can again help the lady to his left with her chair.

Remember to thank your host and the chef.

If it's a casual gathering, offer to clear the table.

If something went wrong

Things do not always work out so happily at the table. Here's how to handle everyday accidents in a cool and courteous manner:

Spills

If you spill food:

Wipe up as much as you can with your knife or spoon.

Blot the area with a corner of your napkin (moisten it first with water if it's not already damp).

If you spill a beverage:

Replace the glass upright, say you're sorry, and start cleaning up.

At home, tell the host and be prepared to help.

At a restaurant, quietly get the server's attention.

Food That's Too Hot or Spoiled

If too hot, take a sip of water.

If spoiled or gross tasting, just spit it into a fork or spoon—not in your napkin—and leave it on your plate.

If it's something dangerous like rotten fish, take it out of your mouth right away, even if you have to violate etiquette.

Finger Bowls

After messy foods like lobster or ribs, you may be given a small bowl of water scented with flowers or lemon to wash your fingers.

Dip one hand at a time, stir lightly, blot on your napkin.

Then move the bowl to the upper left of your setting.

At casual parties, wet wipes or napkins on a platter may be substituted instead. 

Bones, Gristle, or Pits

To dispose of something discreetly that you can't eat:

With your fingers or your fork—whichever is handier.

Cover your mouth with your hand or napkin.

Place it on the edge of your plate.

Don't spit it onto your napkin—it's disgusting and frustrating for anyone clearing the table.

If it's absolutely embarrassing, excuse yourself to the restroom.

Food in Teeth or on Face

If something's in your teeth, try to get it out with your tongue. If not, step away discreetly to the bathroom.

Don't floss or use toothpicks in public.

If you notice food on a person's face or in their teeth, tell them respectfully. If you're with them alone, talk up softly. In a group, subtly point to them (for example, touching your own chin to show where).

Discovery of a Hair in Food

If you are having a private dinner and you find a hair in your food, do not make a scene or say something about it at the table.

If subsequently you are questioned, you can quietly tell in private.

If in a restaurant, you can ask for a fresh plate, but do not make a public issue.

Coughing or Sneezing

Cover your mouth and nose with a tissue, napkin, or your hand if you have to.

Excuse yourself and go to the restroom if it continues.

Never blow your nose at the table—always step away for that.

Choking

If you’re choking slightly, try to cough it out or drink water.

If that doesn’t help, discreetly remove the food and excuse yourself.

During a real emergency—if you can't breathe—call for assistance immediately. Don't slip quietly away from the table. Someone must announce it so others can take action, and many are trained in the Heimlich maneuver.