Living with neighbours.

Respect and Boundaries

Singer-songwriter Paul Simon has a phrase, "One man's ceiling is another man's floor," and poet Robert Frost once said, "Good fences make good neighbors." Both of these quotations remind us that good neighbors respect boundaries and understand how their actions influence others. They practice restraint, even giving up something they want in order to prevent others from being disturbed. Being true to what matters most to them, they work to promote harmony and friendliness in the neighborhood.

When New Neighbors Move In

In today's hectic lifestyle, the new neighbors may suddenly appear uninvited, but welcoming them is still a long-held tradition.

Meeting Them

It is perfectly okay to stop by unexpectedly when a new person comes—temporarily. Say hello, identify yourself, and leave your contact info. If the movers are in the midst of unpacking, just hello and return another time. Even if it has been some years since, it is never too late to greet them.

Gifts and Help

A small welcome present like cookies or flowers can go a long way. If they're not home, leave a note with your name and address. When assisting, be considerate—perhaps they don't want to accept favors yet. Be clear about what you can offer, and don't make a commitment you cannot honor.

What Not to Do

Don't gossip, proselytize, or monopolize their time. First impressions are important—keep them respectful and positive.

If You're the New Neighbor

It doesn't matter who starts out with the greeting—just that you try. At the mailbox or in shared areas, greet kindly and say hello. Friendly greetings build friendships and illustrate polite behavior.

Say Thanks

Should neighbors help you out, a simple "thanks" or return of a cookie tray with a note shows gratitude. You don't have to accept all offers but are grateful for such.

Housewarming

A casual party, like a BBQ, is a great way to meet neighbors and introduce your family. You don’t need to invite everyone—just those nearby or whom you’ve met.

Setting Boundaries

When you move in, it's up to you to decide the amount of participation you want with the community. It's all right to turn down club membership or attendance at activities, just be polite about it. However, showing up to the occasional party or donating to local charities creates good will. Even small gestures such as buying lemonade from a child show community spirit.

Being a Good Neighbor: Basics

Always smile or wave when you're meeting people.

Take brief chats to get to know folks.

Call ahead of time before stopping by; not everyone appreciates drop-ins.

Keep visits brief and respect other folks' time.

Don't take advantage of neighbors' skills—ask politely and don't expect free coffee.

Always express appreciation publicly and reciprocate favors when possible.

Respect privacy and never spread rumors about what you learn.

For Apartment or Condo Residents

Having folks nearby requires a bit more consideration:

Respect common areas and report issues.

Properly dispose of trash.

Mute the sound level—avoid boisterous activities early or late.

Notify neighbors in advance of potential disruptions.

Dealing with Drop-In Guests

Should a neighbor visit too often unannounced, tactfully say you'd prefer a notice. Say, "Let's arrange some time to visit—I have things to attend to presently." Follow through on a planned visit so you continue to appreciate the relationship.

For Homeowners

Maintain the yard and exterior of the home tidy.

Properly dispose of trash and recyclables.

Be respectful of light and don't blind the neighbor's window.

Use loud machinery at decent hours.

Rake leaves that fall—the ones that fell from the neighbor's tree too.

Helping Out

If a neighbor is ill or having a crisis, assistance in the form of lawn maintenance or a meal is nice. Neighbors who are disabled or elderly can also benefit from an occasional helping hand.

If you issued an open pool invitation and regret it, tactfully modify the rules. Flag a "pool is open" or establish visiting hours. Talk through your concerns (such as safety and liability) in good faith and tact.

Children and Play

Teach children to stay off other people's property unless invited and to leave pets and fences alone. Be mindful of noise and teach them to walk softly in common areas.

Pets

Pet owners should keep dogs in control. Do not permit barking, roaming, or hostility. For cats, use a bell to save birds. Always remove pet waste and own up to any damage caused by them.

Yard Sales

Yard sales are fine, but inform neighbors and follow local ordinances. Clean up after and not on a weekly basis. As a consumer, be respectful of noise, parking, and set-up time.

Neighborhood Watch

Curiosity doesn't equal being nosy. If you notice something out of the ordinary—like a pile of papers or unknown people—just call on neighbors. It's concern, not intrusion.

Gossip

There's good and bad gossip. Helpful news like the neighbor falling ill or someone new coming into the neighborhood is fine. But spreading rumors or breaking someone's trust is not. Be sensible.

Borrowing and Lending

It's fine to borrow, but don't blackmail them. Do it in time and return it in the same state. If someone never returns things they borrowed, then politely but firmly ask them to do it.

Soliciting

Neighbors may help kids' fundraisers but keep it simple. Avoid high-pressure sales. If you meet door-to-door solicitors, it's okay to say no politely and never provide other people's private information.

Having a Party? Be Considerate!

What you think is a great party might be a huge disturbance for your neighbors. Most municipalities have noise ordinances and at what time it can occur. A good touch is inviting your neighbors—at least letting them know ahead of time that you're having something. Give them your number so they can call you directly instead of calling authorities. Take a break outside occasionally while you're partying and hear for yourself how loud it really is. If somebody complains, turn it down pronto.

Also, consider parking:

If the space is tight, think ahead so guests don't spill onto the neighbors' land. You might:

Encourage carpooling or the use of public transportation

Hire parking attendants for larger gatherings

Have off-premises parking with a shuttle

Use nearby commercial parking lots

Everyday Neighbor Conflicts

Small irritations—like a neighbor's dog digging up your yard or their recycling blowing onto your lawn—can build up over time. But many times, people do not realize they are causing a problem. Start with a friendly, non-angry conversation. Most people will be thankful to be told and fix the problem right away.

About Homeowners' Associations (HOAs)

Most of them are governed by HOAs, which implement the local standards. When you buy a home in such a development, you do so under the stipulation that you will follow rules—CC&Rs (Covenants, Conditions, and Restrictions). These can be anything from paint color, plants, noise, fences, to even the days of the week on which power tools can be used.

Before buying a home in a neighborhood governed by an HOA, read the regulations thoroughly to make sure they suit your lifestyle.

Raising Issues Politely

Good communication helps sustain good neighbor relations. If you do have a problem:

Don't bring it up when angry—wait till you've calmed down

Be direct but tactful

Listen and be open to compromise

If you can't catch the neighbor in person, leave a polite note. Use polite language and don't make accusations. Petitions are threatening in tone and often tend to backfire.

When to Escalate a Problem

If a simple conversation doesn't solve the issue, you can:

Contact the building manager or HOA

In extreme cases (like chronic noise or health hazards), contact the local authorities

For safety reasons or suspected abuse, call 911 or services immediately

Living in Diverse Communities

Modern neighborhoods are more culturally and socially diverse. The best way to build community is to embrace these differences and avoid stereotypes.

Get to know people before making judgments

Use respectful, people-first language

Be curious and ask respectful questions about others’ traditions

If a Neighbor Crosses a Line (Literally)

For example, if someone builds a shed that extends onto your property:

First, make sure your facts are correct

Talk to your neighbor calmly to solve the problem

In case of need, look for mediation services before going to the courts

Don't involve other neighbors in personal disputes

Be an Inspiration

If you witness conflict due to prejudice or ignorance, don't keep quiet. Make a gentle intervention and shed light where necessary. Helping neighbors to meet each other can dispel myths about biases and create a better integrated society. Even small things—like inviting people for a simple get-together—can go a long way.