At the table.

Though the primary purpose of breakfast, lunch, and dinner is to provide our children with the nutrients they require, one of the greatest benefits of sharing a meal is the ability to bond as a family. Conversing together is how families become closer. The table becomes a place for sharing stories and imparting basic but essential manners. But when should that begin? From the very moment you place your baby in a high chair. As they grow older, we provide them with utensils, instruct them in good posture, and show them when and how to say "Please," "Thank you," and "Excuse me.".

Family nights are typically low-key, and that's fine—nowhere in the statute books does it imply that we have to lower our expectations. But instead of dropping them, we need to establish some firm expectations, or house rules, to guide us.

Family Mealtime Guidelines

Same time, same table

It seems easy, but many parents allow children to eat while watching TV, playing video games, or on their own schedule. It might seem more convenient and more enjoyable for the child, but kids who do not share family meals tend to miss out on valuable adult conversation.

Children are constantly exposed to changes—good for their growth but possibly upsetting as well. Having regular family routines, such as the family eating dinner together at the same hour every evening, can give them a sense of stability and security. These routines give children a sense of reliability and help them learn to manage their own schedule as they get older.

TV dinners—occasionally

Eating while watching television need not be the norm, but now and again it may be a lovely family treat. Set up food trays, pick out a movie, and watch it together—just not daily.

Take-out with manners

Even if you do get take-out, still try to present it up neat, bowls and plates just like a home-cooked meal. Fast food does not equal fast manners—children still have to be respectful and follow table manners.

Everyone contributes

Having children help with tasks like putting napkins on the table or bringing the utensils to the table gives them a sense of belonging. As they grow up, they learn more—like how to set the table properly or help with meal preparation—things that they will be able to utilize later in life.

No phones at the table

In our technology-driven lives, we find ourselves gazing more at screens than each other. So we have a no-phone policy during dinner. It's difficult to see—people feel awkward without their phones—but it's worth it. Technology at the table holds off conversation, distracts us, and steals away from the shared experience.

By keeping dinner screen-free, you leave room for real connection. It also provides an opportunity to notice how your children are behaving and remind them of good table manners—like sitting up straight, having utensils in hand, or chewing with their mouth closed.

Talking together

It's to be expected that people—even children—will talk over one another when eating. Younger children with bigger families can be drowned out by stronger voices.

Everyone has a turn to speak. Bring in your kids. If a child is a talker, tell them to listen too and speak. And if a child interrupts, teach them to wait for their turn—and then let them be heard.

Foundation Table Manners

There are individual family traditions, yet there are certain manners that are applied universally. Naturally, it is not always feasible to dine together nightly, so modify your rules to suit your family's lifestyle. Nevertheless, regular application of basic table manners should be practiced when dining with others in non-domestic settings.

Before a child can hold a spoon, he should start learning good table manners. It is easier to correct bad habits when they are initially developed, before they become automatic. You don't need your child to eat with fingers or misuse their cutlery. Manners can be trained through practice. These fundamentals must be learned not just at home but everywhere.

Clean Hands

Washing hands before eating is such an easy and essential health habit. My grandmother would never let us get away from doing it, and I've carried that over to parenting too. The kids may protest at first, but encourage them to always sit down to the table with clean hands. It keeps germs at bay—because when dinnertime comes, we just want to be passing plates, not illness!

Napkins

Napkins are as essential as forks and knives. Instill it in your children to place their napkin on their lap when they sit down and use it to wipe their mouth—not their hands or sleeves! Folding the napkin and placing it to the left of the plate after eating is a courteous gesture of gratitude for whoever does the cleaning.

Patience

Children should wait for everyone to be seated and served before they eat. In most cultures, it's considered nice to let the host or parent begin eating first. It's a bit old-fashioned, perhaps, but it teaches children to respect others—particularly adults. My teenagers will grumble, but I insist.

Elbows Off the Table

No elbows, or any elbows for that matter, on the table! One good trick to remind them is the saying: "Always, Sometimes, Never."

Using Utensils

Hands are to be used only for foods that are to be picked up, like bread. As soon as your child is ready, introduce a spoon and fork. It's all right to remind them about good table manners during meals—they'll thank you later.

Proper Utensil Use

American and European dining habits are slightly different. Forks, in both manners, start in the left hand, tines down. Teach your kids to hold it correctly: index finger straight on top, rest of fingers wrapped around underneath. The knife is reserved for cutting or guiding food, not fingers!

Kids should cut carefully and keep their plates clean—no hacking all the food into pieces. Spoons are employed chiefly for soup or dessert, and generally with a fork. Even how utensils are placed may signal that an individual has finished a meal or requires a rest.

Setting the Table

Teaching kids to set the table familiarizes them with formal meals. The general rule: use the furthest utensils and work inward. They will not eat all of it, but accomplishing this now saves faces later.

Polite Words Matter

Basic phrases like "Excuse me," "Please," and "Thank you" prove useful. At meals, kids can say them while asking for something or initiating conversation. For example:

"May I have some broccoli, please?"

"Thank you for supper."

It is considered courteous and polite, and becomes a habit automatically.

Chewing with Mouth Closed

Remind your child not to speak with food in their mouth and to chew quietly. A gentle nudge like “Wait until you’ve swallowed” can help them build this habit.

Helping Clean Up

It's sweet when a guest—especially a child—volunteering assistance after supper or carrying in their plate to be put away. But in other cultures, volunteering help is inappropriate. Teach your children to follow the host family's lead and ask politely if they're unsure. In casual households, a simple "May I be excused?" or "Can I help with cleanup?" will do.

Dining Out with Kids

Eating at restaurants with kids can be stressful. But if you’ve set good habits at home, it’ll be easier. Teach them to respect others in public, just as they would at home.

Bread Etiquette

Never cut bread with a knife. Break it in half by hand into small pieces and butter each one as you break it. Only entire slices for sandwiches get buttered whole—everything else gets done in pieces.

Should Children Order Their Own Meals?

Keep it simple. You can order for them when they are young. As they get older, have them choose—within reason—so that they feel included and confident.

Food Allergies

Always inform other parents if your kid is food allergic. Do the same at restaurants or parties—it's for their safety.

Kids at Their Own Table?

If they are older and within eyesight, fine. Just make sure they are being mannerly. Train them to be respectful even when adults aren't sitting directly next to them.

If a Child Behaves Badly at a Restaurant

If they can't calm down, take them outside to recharge. It sends the message that what they were doing was not okay and needs to be changed.

What If They Don't Like Their Food?

Kids never should complain about food rudely. Teach them to politely express if there really is a problem—but otherwise, ask that they be considerate and tactful.

Food for Thought

Make mealtime enjoyable by being prepared:

Be mindful of food allergies.

Know your family staples.

Think about favorite restaurant dishes.

Have TV-dinner movie nights from time to time!