Common courtesis.

Are We Ruder Than We Used to Be?

Ask a crowd of people whether we're ruder today than we were ten years ago, and nine out of ten will immediately reply in the affirmative. But is it really so? In today's busy and congested world, it's all too easy to get so caught up in our own lives that we lose sight of others around us. We scream on phones, blare music into earbuds, and act as if we're the only ones who exist. When we think nobody is watching, we do things we wouldn't do around friends—such as flipping the bird at the traffic light, yelling at a store worker, or cursing at a referee. Most times, we're not being offensive—we're just rushing.

What Courtesy Really Means

Being polite is important because it is about being accountable for the effect our actions have on other people. It's taking into account shared spaces and regard for other people. Small acts of kindness and consideration make interactions with strangers polite, even pleasant.

Start with a Smile

Like the saying goes, “You’re never fully dressed without a smile.” Smiling and having a good attitude instantly improve the environment around you. Simple greetings—like saying “Hi” to the bus driver, “Good morning” to coworkers, or “I’m home!” to your family—make a difference. Your tone also matters. A harsh or sarcastic voice can make even a polite word sound unfriendly.

Courtesy Begins at Home

It is only normal that the consideration and courtesy we show to strangers should also be shown to members of our household. Well-mannered adults also serve as good examples for kids.

Some simple manners to practice at home:

• Say hello to your family members in the morning and upon coming home.

• Clean up after yourself.

• Do not leave others to do the work—be a responsible member of the family.

• Be on time for meals and appointments.

• Ask others first before making plans that affect them.

• Don't yell or complain in front of kids.

• Show appreciation: say thank you and give compliments.

• Let each other have privacy and personal opinions.

Be On Time

Being late is never a good impression. At worst, it shows badly on your planning; best case, it gives the impression that you think your time is more valuable than everyone else's. In the business world, being late could lose you a opportunity.

For social events, arrive at the stated time or within 10 minutes. Coming too early is awkward, and being late is inconsiderate. For business, it’s smart to arrive a bit early to gather yourself. If you’re running late, call ahead and give an estimated arrival time.

If they are always running late, wait 15 minutes or so and start without them. Welcome them when they arrive, but don't hold everything up for them.

Hats Off

Taking your hat off is an old-fashioned sign of respect. When hat removal was practiced in the past, it meant you did not pose a threat and recognized someone higher than you. Today, it helps create eye contact and shows you're engaged with the people around you.

Men and women may wear or remove hats according to where and what kind of hat it is. Religious or cultural head coverings are usually not removed indoors. If you are unsure, ask prior to a member of that religion.

Keep in mind: Illness hat-wearing cancer patients are always exempt from these guidelines.

Out in Public

While you might feel like another face in the crowd, people notice how you behave.

Keep your volume in check. Don’t shout or play loud music.

Use your phone thoughtfully. Step away to talk if possible.

Watch your language. Swearing may offend others, especially around children.

Do grooming in private. Fix your makeup or hair in a restroom.

Chew gum quietly. Don’t make noises with it.

Keep affection subtle. Holding hands is fine, but avoid overly intimate gestures in public.

Throw away your trash. Don't litter, even little things such as cigarette butts or receipts.

Don't spit. It is rude and unhygienic.

Smoke responsibly. Only smoke where it is allowed, and never near doors. Dispose of butts properly.

Waiting in Line

We all spend a lot of time waiting in lines—at stores, airports, movie theaters, and more. The rules for line etiquette are simple and haven’t changed since childhood: take turns, be patient, don’t push or yell, and never cut in front of someone.

While waiting in line, be prepared. Have payment, tickets, documents ready to go so you're not slowing everyone down. It is fine to wait in silence with a book, texting, or music (provided it isn't too loud). Light, friendly talk is fine if the other person is okay with it, but be silent.

What not to do in line:

• Make or receive lengthy, personal phone calls

• Push to get ahead of someone just getting in line

• Complain loudly about waiting

• Use express lane with too many items

• Hold a place for friends who aren't using your money

It's considerate to let someone with only one or two items go ahead. And when it's your turn, greet the employee with a smile and be quick. The long wait isn't their fault.

Respecting People Who Serve You

Regardless of whether you're interacting with a cashier, server, driver, or receptionist, be respectful and polite. You don't need to be buddy-buddy, but niceness creates a more pleasant experience for everyone involved—and tends to result in better treatment. This applies whether you're face-to-face or on the phone.

Opening Doors and Helping with Chairs

In the past, men automatically did some things like opening doors or pushing in chairs for women. After the women's rights movement, some considered these to be ancient or even insulting. That left a lot of people wondering what to do.

Today, it's simple: anyone—man or woman—can push a door for someone. It's just being polite. Especially when a person is elderly, has something to transport, or has children in tow.

Revolving doors: The person who gets there first should go in and start pushing. Or, offer: “Want me to go first?” Once through, step to the side so others can pass easily.

Elevator Etiquette

Let those closest to the door enter or exit first.

After pushing your button, move to the back to make space.

If it’s crowded, don’t force your way in—wait for the next one.

If you're late and someone doesn't wait for you, don't be irritated—simply say, "I'll catch the next one."

Don't sing or groom out loud when you're at home.

If you see a friend, say a quick hello, but keep it quick and low-key—no loud or cozy conversations in the common area.

Car Courtesy

It's polite to open a car door for a disabled, elderly, or just needy person. A few men still do it on dates, and many women appreciate it. But times are past, and most women don't expect it.

Limousine and car service drivers open doors, so let them. Enjoy the added amenity.

In a Taxi

Always enter and exit on the curb side to be safe. As for who goes in first, consider what is most comfortable and convenient—especially if there is someone wearing a skirt or dress. You might ask:

"Would you like to get in first, or should I?" 

Helping with Chairs

Traditionally, men were helping women by pulling out the chairs for them. Now women mostly prefer to seat themselves, especially in the corporate world. But it's still nice to offer, especially to older women or anyone who would appreciate it. An open-ended question is always best:

"May I hold your chair?"

Handling Rude Behavior

The true test of being well-mannered is when you handle instances where someone's discourteousness tries your cool. Oftentimes, people like to ignore rude gestures—either because something took them by surprise or they do not wish a minor issue to become an epic blow-up. Although you think that bringing someone to task for a minor mistake is harmless, you can never be certain about their response. Responding rudeness with your own will only make it worse.

Try to give people the benefit of the doubt—most people aren't attempting rudeness. That is not to mention that you shouldn't let people walk all over you, but before you react, ask yourself:

Who is being rude? If it's an angry person or a stranger, it's usually better to stay quiet and not become the target of their fury.

What do you want? It's all right to quietly correct small things—like, "Sorry, but this is my seat." But it's not your responsibility to correct people's manners—like, "Stop spitting, that's gross."

Mind your tone. If you do choose to speak out, be polite and gentle: "Excuse me, this is my cart," or "Please remove your hat? I can't see the screen.".

Don't reprimand somebody else's child. If someone is being pesky, talk to their parent instead: "I realize that it's hard for children on planes, but could you please get your son to cease kicking my seat?"

Call on a peacemaker if need be. If your reasonable request is disregarded, appeal to someone in charge—like a flight attendant if the behavior continues.

Below are some more tips on how to stay calm:

• Don't lose your cool. Maybe the person is having a bad day.

• Choose your battle. Sometimes it's best to just let it slide. Is it worth getting mad at someone who has too many items in the express checkout line? Take a deep breath and see if it really matters.

• Be humorous. Maintaining a joking demeanor and smiling can advance you beyond uncomfortable moments. Just laugh it off and get past it.